Wipes are for a baby's butt & mama's tears

I'll state the obvious in that I haven't blogged in a long time, or much at all in my lifetime actually. Onward and upward my friends.

There was a perfect combination that brought me to the point where I decided to walk to CVS this morning 1) the fact that I witnessed Jon, in desperation, putting on my deodorant because he ran out of his own (makes the saying "strong enough for a man, ph balanced for a woman" a bit more confusing..) and 2) because i was trying to keep Ellie up longer this morning to see if we can pin down this one nap a day thing (insert crazy laugh - she is rebelling against all things sleep in the afternoon, and what's the saying?? "All play and no sleep make Danielle a dull mommy?" Yes, that's it.)

So a little after 9 am I put her in the stroller and headed out. It's not a bad walk, one mile each way. I really didn't think twice about it until we were maybe half a mile in and it hit me. This is PREGGERS ROW!! The walk waddle I used to take over and over again in hopes of getting Ellie "moving" while she was still hanging out in the womb, having a comfy 'ol time.  And then I realized today is May 16th, and last year that was 4 days before my due date! I can't remember exactly if I walked or not, but I'm pretty sure I did...I tried to walk almost every day. It was so hot last year and I remember using CVS as my reward which made the walks more tolerable as opposed to just walking around the neighborhood in circles.  Plus it was an air conditioned paradise where my cold delicious orange Gatorade awaited.  Or maybe it was one of those days that I bribed Jon that if he came with me, we could stop at Chick-fil-a for a bite (Polynesian sauce = weakness).

So there I was, pushing a stroller with my baby who will no longer be a baby in 2 weeks. Wha! Gasp. I started talking out loud to her saying "Ya know, mommy used to walk down this road trying to get you to come out...but you weren't ready, huh?" and "This where I peed my pants because daddy made me laugh. You know something about peeing your pants, right?". And then I started tearing up. Just little tears, but then waterworks. And the road I walk is really busy so I can only imagine what people must have thought seeing this crazy crying mess pushing the stroller. By the way blowing your nose in a baby wipe ain't that bad, gives pretty good coverage. Just sayin'.

It's all so surreal, I honestly just can't even comprehend it. It's been a whole year! Despite her due date of May 20th she came was evicted on May 31st (so much for the walking!) and I just get such a rush of emotions thinking about those final weeks and days. Those walks gave me time to think and talk with God, and even get to know some of the neighbors as we were new to the 'hood. Also to enjoy time to myself and with Jon during our final moments as a family of 2.  I remember wondering so many things...if she would look like a mini-me (which is hilarious given she literally looks like Jon with a headband on - see below)... if I'd be one of those people who would throw things while in labor (what happens in the hospital room stays in the hospital room)...wondering what it would be like when I saw her for the first time...and so much more.   I remember feeling so scared, yet so excited. I remember when I was walking being so determined yet when I'd feel a cramp or two I'd stop in the street and freak out thinking "oh no, is this it?? oh man i'm not ready. i need to go back on the couch..i should be sleeping..what am i doing walking in 90 degree weather to pick up a pack of gum???" The roller coaster of emotions is really hard to describe. 

Time flies. I'm a weepy mess that this year has gone so fast. God is so good in giving me such a precious daughter and it is nothing short of a privilege to be in this role of mommy to her. She is so much more then I even tried to imagine in my mind on those walks.

On one final note, when I got to CVS I couldn't help but notice this water bottle for sale. You can drink from it AND it mists you. Made me feel better because I realized that there is something stranger then seeing a mom push a stroller while bawling her eyes out....seeing an overdue preggo misting herself with orange flavored electrolytes ;)